It’s always easier said than done to eliminate toxic individuals from your life, especially if it’s a family member. However, really cutting the cord will feel good when you do it. It is one of the purest forms of Self-Care I have ever experienced. I would know because I did it myself not too long ago.
A few months ago I unfriended my cousin off Facebook. She was as toxic as they came. Growing up she was incredibly competitive (for what?) and everything always had to be about her. I remember when we were kids, she would force my brother and I to put on these dumb skits and dances at Christmas dinner, and she pretty much always made herself the center of them (normally with backing music to Shania Twain – at Christmas? How country music obsessed could you possibly be??). She generally influenced me to do bad things when I was around her, too, which got me in trouble, and I remember generally coming away from the few times a year I would see her, feeling bad about myself.
My aunt was always about keeping up with the Jones’s (she also happens to be toxic, my mother no longer has a relationship with her – did her own severing of toxic ties!), so this need to always be the best possibly (most likely) wore off on her too. Not surprisingly, my mum has said before that coming away from spending time with her sister, made her feel bad about herself, too.
It had been a few years since I had seen her in person, but nonetheless I found myself starting to play the game of comparison between her and I when I saw her feed pop up on Facebook.
This time though, I refused to be a pawn in her quest to always be the best. So snip she went, and wouldn’t you know it – I don’t pay her any mind anymore.
Of course, you really have to look at the big picture of your relationship with a toxic individual and how it might affect things if you so choose to eliminate them from your life. For me, I was fortunate my relationship as an adult with her had dwindled, but that doesn’t erase my yucky experience with her as a child.
Had your own experience with a toxic individual? Have any tips for dealing with them? Comment below!
Last Thursday, I got my hair done – the first time in two and a half years since it has been professionally colored.
My stylist was chattering away about how she had recently signed up for the online Masterclass series. For those who aren’t familiar with what this is, Masterclass is a paid subscription service which grants you access to educational videos on a variety of subject areas, taught by experts in their field.
Amidst telling me about the latest video she had watched, she suddenly blurts out “anything to do with books, i’m just dyslexic”.
I never granted myself permission to feel valid within the trauma I experienced because it didn’t feel right to express or share I had experienced trauma when others have experienced more severe trauma. As I am realizing and learning, trauma is not one size fits all and just because it may be something I live with to a lesser degree than others, does not make it any less VALID.
A really simple Friday affirmation that’s been said to me before, which I needed to hear today.
I’m going to be transparent with you all – I got into the meditation teacher training program which I had applied for a few weeks back. Now I’m not so sure I’m ready to commit to it. Primarily because of choosing what dreams of mine to allocate my money to first. I have a dream to visit Africa when I turn 30, but I also have a dream to become a meditation teacher. Africa came before I dreamed of teaching meditation, so I should go with that right?
I’m at a crossroads. I should start saving for Africa pretty much now, if I intend to save up enough to feel comfortable going by 2022. But now is actually a really great time to learn to meditate while working from home. I don’t want to say it’s a hard decision because it’s really not – I’m making a decision about which dream I want to pursue more – which is hella amazing. Some people don’t even have that. Some people (as I am learning lately) don’t even have the privilege to consider travel or consider advancement or personal growth in the first place. So I acknowledge the privilege I hold, and I respect it. I am at an interesting point in my life – one where I am not tied down to any one location or job. I’m also not tied down by a boyfriend or husband and don’t have any kids. I can essentially do what I want and go where I want.
I think I’ve spent so long not acknowledging my dreams that now that I’m in this head-space where I know what my dreams are, and I’ve breathed life into them, I want to do everything now … and if I don’t then that dream will be forgotten about again.
But dreams take time, and that is also something which I am working to recognize. Perhaps pursuing the longer term dream will be bring me more satisfaction because I worked that much harder for it.