May Grounded Gratitude Day 14

Hello friends – i’m having a very sad day today. Someone i’ve come to care about a lot in a short time period is moving back home (which is hella far away from me, like on the other side of the world). The move back is a result of the stagnant life we are all living right now as a result of the coronavirus and all of the different sectors of society being affected by it – including job loss. I had hoped that maybe our paths would cross again in the future, but I don’t know if/how/when that would happen now. While I validate for myself that this hope was real and tangible, it was perhaps a naive one, nonetheless. Now that hope just feels dead.

The last 24 hours have been a bit of a lesson in grieving, but it’s a unique type of grief – simply because covid is something we have never experienced before. At it’s core though, there have been some familiar takeaway points:

Remembering that communication, especially when one is emotional, is not usually the best state to be in when communicating with someone, but forgiving myself for doing so.

Recognizing that my inner voice has been especially critical today – saying that my emotions are not justifiable because it was such a short time period, that i’m making a big deal out of nothing – but pushing past them and doing and feeling what is best for me.

Recognizing that I can’t control the future, or what happens … I can only control the present and my actions now. In this instance, I’ve done what little I could.

Recognizing that while it doesn’t feel like it right now, perhaps this door has closed, in order for another one to open. It’s especially hard to entertain this thought, though, when you were willing (and hoping), to see what else this door had in store for you, and were not ready to close it just yet.

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