Eliminating Toxic People Is a Form of Self-Care


It’s always easier said than done to eliminate toxic individuals from your life, especially if it’s a family member. However, really cutting the cord will feel good when you do it. It is one of the purest forms of Self-Care I have ever experienced. I would know because I did it myself not too long ago.

A few months ago I unfriended my cousin off Facebook. She was as toxic as they came. Growing up she was incredibly competitive (for what?) and everything always had to be about her. I remember when we were kids, she would force my brother and I to put on these dumb skits and dances at Christmas dinner, and she pretty much always made herself the center of them (normally with backing music to Shania Twain – at Christmas? How country music obsessed could you possibly be??). She generally influenced me to do bad things when I was around her, too, which got me in trouble, and I remember generally coming away from the few times a year I would see her, feeling bad about myself.

My aunt was always about keeping up with the Jones’s (she also happens to be toxic, my mother no longer has a relationship with her – did her own severing of toxic ties!), so this need to always be the best possibly (most likely) wore off on her too. Not surprisingly, my mum has said before that coming away from spending time with her sister, made her feel bad about herself, too.

It had been a few years since I had seen her in person, but nonetheless I found myself starting to play the game of comparison between her and I when I saw her feed pop up on Facebook.

This time though, I refused to be a pawn in her quest to always be the best. So snip she went, and wouldn’t you know it – I don’t pay her any mind anymore.

Of course, you really have to look at the big picture of your relationship with a toxic individual and how it might affect things if you so choose to eliminate them from your life. For me, I was fortunate my relationship as an adult with her had dwindled, but that doesn’t erase my yucky experience with her as a child.

Had your own experience with a toxic individual? Have any tips for dealing with them? Comment below!

August Intentions List

Have you set your August intentions yet?!

Setting your intentions can help to declutter your brain and get you really laser focused on what you want to work on or accomplish.

So often we hear of blogs and sites who flop, disappear or throw in the towel after a month, primarily because the initial excitement of starting a blog in the first place wears off (after that is when the real work begins!). I’m proud of myself for having kept consistent in my posts, having posted weekly on my site for the past 5 months! This is an intention I plan on continuing.

Some of intentions which I hope … no WILL, pick back up again, include writing for 1 hour every day. This was a practice I got into in order to hold myself accountable to my writing and my blog. July got busy with a vacation and transitioning into a new role at work (which so far is very meh and partially why I haven’t talked about it) and my practice fell off the metaphorical horse, but we shall get back on it!

Frankly I have left a lot of my recent writing to the weekend before publishing and I don’t like the rushed feeling that accompanies this last minute writing. I’d rather be ahead of the curve.

Daily intentions, meditation and brain dumps are tasks which I want to incorporate into my day to day life as well. Setting intentions every morning for how I set my day help improve my mood, put me in the right mindset and give me a little push when I’m feeling like Sleepy the Dwarf from Snow White. Also daily brain dumps and journaling. I tend to only journal when I need to release a thought, or feeling but I really want to start doing it every day, even if I have nothing in particular to pour out on paper.

I also really want to redesign and work on my website. There needs to be a better system on their for categorizing my posts – right now they’re a little all over the place and it bothers me. So a website facelift will be taking place!

What are your intentions for August? Comment below!

Self-Awareness Shout-Out

I posted this on my Instagram yesterday but wanted to share it here too. I had this thought the other day.

I comment so much on other people’s posts, that what they talk about is something I need to work on, or I am working on… but I don’t think I give myself enough credit for being as self-aware as I am. So today I am!

Recognizing my own emotional immaturity, IS a form of maturity. Recognizing how destructive my overthinking can be, IS productive. Knowing there will be hard days, during which I recognize I may be hard on myself, but can pull through IS healthy awareness.

When’s the last time you gave yourself a pat on the back or gave yourself a hug for your level of self-awareness?

July 28 Grounded Gratitude

Hi folks! It’s been a hot minute since I posted a Grounded Gratitude practice, or posted something other than a blog post.

Traveling home from my vacation on Vancouver Island, really made me appreciate the ferry ride it takes to get there and back. I love taking an early morning ferry – the air is cool, the water is calm, the sky is sort of grey like it’s just waking up after a good night of sleep. The ride itself passes by easily as inlets and smaller islands float in and out of sight.

While waiting to board my ferry home, I did a quick walk-through of the quay market that is at the ferry terminal. When I came out the other side, a man and his dog (who was very happy to see me) were sitting on a ledge nearby. I asked the man if I could pet his furry pooch and he said yes. The pupper was happy to have received a little scratch on the head from me, until losing interest in my head rubs and curling back again in the shady spot at his owner’s feet.

I’ve also been really grateful lately at my ability to look at situations more rationally. I’ve sometimes had a hard time looking at the bigger picture of a situation, especially when it comes to romantic relationships (what have I not had trouble with in relation to romantic relationships? lol). I tend to put on my rose-colored glasses and see only what I want to see, never the warning signs or the signs which might have shown themselves before I even started dating a person. While it’s easier to say now that i’m not in a relationship that I can look at situations more rationally (being in a relationship might be a different story), I feel like the growth I have experienced within my time in quarantine and my time with my therapist, even in the last 5 months, has really benefited me in thinking situations and aspects within certain situations through more clearly.

4 Ways You Can Be A Mental Health Adjective Ally

4 Ways You Can Be A Mental Health Adjective Ally

Read Time: 7 Minutes 30 seconds

Last Thursday, I got my hair done – the first time in two and a half years since it has been professionally colored.

My stylist was chattering away about how she had recently signed up for the online Masterclass series. For those who aren’t familiar with what this is, Masterclass is a paid subscription service which grants you access to educational videos on a variety of subject areas, taught by experts in their field.

Amidst telling me about the latest video she had watched, she suddenly blurts out “anything to do with books, i’m just dyslexic”.

Continue reading “4 Ways You Can Be A Mental Health Adjective Ally”

Trauma Is Not One Size Fits All

Trauma is not one size fits all.

I never granted myself permission to feel valid within the trauma I experienced because it didn’t feel right to express or share I had experienced trauma when others have experienced more severe trauma. As I am realizing and learning, trauma is not one size fits all and just because it may be something I live with to a lesser degree than others, does not make it any less VALID.

Read My Troubles with Trauma now.

Little Surprises

Yesterday I threw a little socially distanced 60th surprise party for my momma🥳

Mom watches my Insta Stories so I couldn’t share it with you. I know you can hide your Story from certain people but I was too paranoid she would somehow see so I didn’t share😂

With the help of my brother and my mum’s partner to coordinate keeping it a secret (and my brother helping me pick dessert flavors 😄), she got to celebrate with 3 of her best friends.🤫

I didn’t take any photos except for the food but it was all a hit!! A big thank you especially to @thegrazecompany for your amazing charcuterie box and @cakesnsweets_ for the delicious lemon and taro cupcakes, and earl grey macarons😍

The world is my oyster

A really simple Friday affirmation that’s been said to me before, which I needed to hear today.

I’m going to be transparent with you all – I got into the meditation teacher training program which I had applied for a few weeks back. Now I’m not so sure I’m ready to commit to it. Primarily because of choosing what dreams of mine to allocate my money to first. I have a dream to visit Africa when I turn 30, but I also have a dream to become a meditation teacher. Africa came before I dreamed of teaching meditation, so I should go with that right?

I’m at a crossroads. I should start saving for Africa pretty much now, if I intend to save up enough to feel comfortable going by 2022. But now is actually a really great time to learn to meditate while working from home. I don’t want to say it’s a hard decision because it’s really not – I’m making a decision about which dream I want to pursue more – which is hella amazing. Some people don’t even have that. Some people (as I am learning lately) don’t even have the privilege to consider travel or consider advancement or personal growth in the first place. So I acknowledge the privilege I hold, and I respect it. I am at an interesting point in my life – one where I am not tied down to any one location or job. I’m also not tied down by a boyfriend or husband and don’t have any kids. I can essentially do what I want and go where I want.

I think I’ve spent so long not acknowledging my dreams that now that I’m in this head-space where I know what my dreams are, and I’ve breathed life into them, I want to do everything now … and if I don’t then that dream will be forgotten about again.

But dreams take time, and that is also something which I am working to recognize. Perhaps pursuing the longer term dream will be bring me more satisfaction because I worked that much harder for it.